Man with high emotional intelligence


This focus more on you individually than on your interactions with other people. It is your ability to stay aware of your emotions and manage your behavior and tendencies, to accurately perceive your emotions and stay aware of them as they happen The ability to recognize an emotion as it “happens” is the key to your EQ. Be constantly aware of know relationship between thoughts, feelings and actions as well as the relationship between the three. Developing self-awareness requires tuning in to your true feelings. If you evaluate your emotions, you can manage them. The major elements of self-awareness are:

• Emotional Awareness

The ability to recognize your own feelings and their effects so as to be able to manage them and make better decisions. Set aside some days to consider why you are feeling a certain emotion. How can you better manage your feelings. Develop insight and the ability to identify emotional patterns.

• Self-Confidence

You are very comfortable with who you are as a person. You are sure about your self-worth and capabilities. You have a purpose, a direction and know exactly what you want to achieve in your life. You are continuously acquiring new skills and knowledge so that you grow as an individual and can be an inspiration to others

• Assertiveness

There are 3 categories of human behaviour – aggressive, passive & assertive. Learn to respond to others without anger or without giving in to irrational & illogical demands. Learn to say NO & to stand up to the bullying tactics of others without anger or self pity.

• Personal Responsibility/ Conscientiousness

You take responsibility for the consequences of your own actions and taking responsibility for your own performance. You do not lay blame on others for whatever decisions or choices you have made. If you realize you have made a mistake/s, you learn from your mistake/s and move on. You do not get stuck in the past or look behind. You do not justifying poor or non performance. You readily admit that you are not at your best & strive to do better.

• Self Disclosure and Transparency

The best way to build closer relationships is to share with others how you feel, your dreams and aspirations, about yourself. Be honest and open about yourself so that others will also be open towards you.

• Self Acceptance

Profile yourself , your personality and working style. Maximize your strengths and minimize your weaknesses. If you cannot eliminate your weaknesses, just focus on your strengths. Use your strengths to achieve your goals and forge ahead. If you can learn to minimize or eliminate your weaknesses. Ensure your weaknesses are not stumbling blocks to achieving your goals and mission in life.


This is your ability to use awareness of your emotions to stay flexible and positively direct your behavior. However often you have little control over when you experience emotions. You can, however, have some say in how long an emotion will last by using a number of techniques to alleviate negative emotions such as anger, anxiety or depression. A few of these techniques include recasting a situation in a more positive light, taking a long walk and meditation or prayer. Self-regulation involves:

• Emotional Self Control

Managing disruptive impulses

• Trustworthiness

Value Trust & openness. Maintaining standards of honesty and integrity

• Adaptability

The ability to react quickly, appropriately and efficiently to change

• Reality Testing

The ability to assess correspondence between what is experienced and what objectively exists; knowing what you want to do vs. what you actually can do

• Flexibility

The ability to adjust one’s emotions, thoughts and behaviors to changing situations and conditions

• Problem Solving

The ability to identify and define problems; to generate and implement potentially effective solutions

• Innovation

Being open to new ideas

• Personal Decision Making

Understand that you are in control of your mind and hence your life. You always have a choice. No one can really force you to do something against your wish even at subconscious mind level. Understand how your thoughts and feelings are ruling the decision/s you are making or have made

• Handling Stress

Learn stress relaxing methods and techniques. Listen to Baroque music, go for walks in the park or by the seaside, have a picnic at the waterfall. Learn to sing and dance. Take up yoga or tai chi or qigong. Have quiet moments at the end of each day for inner reflections


Be positive even when challenged will result in more focused thinking.

When you are feeling down and out, you are able to able to take charge of your negative state and emotions. Two ways to achieve this: change your physiology or change your inner representation or perception of life so that you can achieve peak performance again. To motivate yourself for any achievement requires clear goals and a positive attitude. We have two selves in us – positive and negative. We tend to gravitate towards the negative self. Learn to ‘catch’ yourself having negative thoughts or using negative words/ language or having negative messages. If you catch negative thoughts as they occur, you can reframe them in more positive terms – which will help you achieve your goals. Motivation is made up of:

• Achievement Drive

Your constant striving to improve or to meet a standard of excellence.

• Commitment

Aligning with the goals of the group or organization.

• Initiative

Readying yourself to act on opportunities.

• Optimism and Hope

Pursuing goals persistently despite obstacles and setbacks.


This is your ability to accurately pick up on emotions in other people and understand what is really going on. This comprises the following:

• Empathy

The ability to understand the feelings of others. This is also the ability to enable us to respond appropriately to changes in emotional climate of others. Be able to put yourself in the shoes of others and learn to appreciate their feelings. Everyone has their own perception of things and life. Learn to see from another viewpoint. Your ability to read the signals others send and perceive the feelings behind them will ensure you are able to respond appropriately and control the situation. 


Social competence is your ability to understand other people’s moods, behavior and motives in order to improve the quality of your relationships. It is also your ability to use awareness of your emotions and the others’ emotions to manage interactions successfully. The ability to establish and maintain mutually beneficial relationships by giving and receiving of affection whether it be as a lover, friend, family member/ loyal employee. In today’s always-connected world, everyone has immediate access to technical knowledge. Thus, “people or interpersonal skills” are even more important now because no man is an island. In our daily lives we are communicating, interacting and relating to people all around us. Lean to live, work and interact harmoniously with others. Learn to give and take. Learn to make win/win decisions with others

Among the most useful skills are:

• Influence

Applying effective persuasion tactics

• Communication

Sending clear , precise messages. It is not only about the words you use but also the tone of voice used & non verbal language. Often it is not what you say but HOW you say it. You communicate your feelings through body language – learn to talk and listen about feelings of others. Communication is not hearing the words said or understanding and hearing what was said, it is also about validating the feelings of others


This emotional intelligence training course has the highest demand among our clients. Organisations of all sizes are increasingly recognising the key role that ‘Emotional Intelligence’ (EQ) has in the effectiveness of the organisation at all levels. Managers & team leaders are required to fulfil a much broader role – not just to have technical or specialist expertise but also to have a range of personal attributes & abilities. Leaders need to effectively develop their people, team members need to be able to co-operate & to work effectively with their colleagues & managers; front-line staff need to be able to deal professionally with difficult/stressful situations with customers & suppliers.


Written by RACHEL KHOR 

Principal Trainer, Peak Success Abundance Sdn Bhd

From Directive Communication International & American Institute of Business Psychology:

– Certification in Colored Brain Communication
– Certification in Human Drive & Motivation
– Certification in Dynamic Speaking
– Certification in Curriculum Development
– PSMB Certified Trainer
– Certification in Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP)
– Certification in Hypnotherapy from London College of Clinical Hypnosis (LCCH)
– 18 years corporate training experience


Contact us through phone: 03-42703064/0126170560/0165488336
Email: [email protected] /[email protected]
Links: Website Blog | LinkedIn | YouTube

Leave a Reply

Close Menu
× Need help? Chat with us