How to manage negativity in your life

These are the steps to for Managing Negative Emotions:

Emotions handling flowchart

 

1. Identify the negative feeling and signal it is producing.

For example, something happened between you and your spouse to make you feel rejected. First, decide – was it an uncomfortable feeling? Or is it hurt, anger or loneliness? Maybe he was buried in the newspapers and ignoring what you’re saying to him. You can decide perhaps it’s not so severe; merely an uncomfortable feeling that he’s ignoring you. Or you can start hallucinating that he’s starting to get bored with you and doesn’t love you so much. 

 

2. Appreciate the message and recognize the value of the signal. 

Be curious – what’s the meaning or message of this negative emotion. What is this feeling trying to tell me instead of only experiencing pain? What can I learn from this? Am I contributing to this emotion due to my own rules?

3. Then finally decide which direction you want to move? 

Do you need to change perception or behaviour/action or communication or procedure/ approach? Immediately do something and take action. Communicate to him what you want him to do when you’re talking to him. Get sure you can handle – rehearse many times in your head, find out what to change, need to communicate your needs, so he knows, respect your value or change your behaviour.
Here the perception could be “my husband doesn’t love me so much now”. Hurt brings along pain if not handled right. Ask, “Is it appropriate at this time to feel like this with this person?”
Can you change your perception? Not that he does not love you anymore, maybe he’s just too busy and too wrapped up in his work. It’s so coincidentally he just has some difficult work issues to deal with.
Can you change the procedure? Since the present behaviour of feeling hurt and resentful is not giving you the result desired. Perhaps you can change the way you communicate – tell him how you’re feeling and that you just wanted 3 minutes of his time to talk to him or to hold him. Or to connect with him. So negative emotion is really a signal to change state.

 

4. What can you learn from this – 

Get excited about the key learning points and understanding yourself deeper. Remember last time you experience this emotion you were able to handle and deal with it – how did you do it?
I need to change me! Change the way you look at things, your perception, change the way you communicate your desires, change your behaviour, change your expectation or even emotion. You need to change, or you stay in pain! The signal of a negative emotion doesn’t go away; it merely intensifies over time and will only get worse if not dealt with correctly.

 

INTERPRETATION 10 MOST COMMON NEGATIVE EMOTIONS

a woman thinking
  1. Uncomfortable – something that bugs or/bothers but not have a tremendous impact
  2. Fear – terrified, anxious, concern, worry over something. Because fear is so painful, we try to avoid fear or even deny fear is there. But fear is telling us to prepare or to deal with something that is about to happen.
  3. Hurt – a sense of loss of trust or intimacy. Is there really a loss? Is it a problem of perception? Can you communicate the needs? Can you change your behaviour? E.g. maybe a person close to you has died. Say and think, maybe he is in a better place now?
  4. Anger – it means an important rule in your life has been violated by someone in your life. Can you communicate your real needs in a different way? Can you change the way you communicate or change behaviour or procedure? Anger comes out of hurt. Clarify what your rules or standards are. Be prepared to compromise on your standards – not everyone can follow your standards, sometimes.
  5. Frustration – feeling of being held back or hindered in pursuit of some goal. Change your approach to changing goals. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expect different results. Learn to have more flexibility.
  6. Disappointment – sad, not achieving your expectation or outcome. Maybe there’s a need to change your expectation. Maybe there wasn’t enough time to achieve an outcome. Set S.M.A.R.T.E.R. goals, set goals achievable within a certain time frame make goals or time schedule more flexible. Sometimes there is a lag time to rewards. Appropriate outcome to be taken into consideration within the context of the time, people, resources available at that point of time.
  7. Guilt Or Regret – serves you if you hear its message — means you’ve violated your own standards. People usually deny guilt as a way of not feeling guilty. Learn to face guilt because it will always come back to get you. But don’t stay in guilt. You will feel inferior if you feel regretful for the rest of your life. Clean up your act and promise yourself you won’t violate your own rules again. Sometimes a person passes away, and you feel guilty about it, but you can change perception. Keep on track; move forward to be a better person. Don’t wallow in guilt or Regret.
  8. Inadequacy – not measure up, lack self-confidence, feeling of not being worthy of something or someone. Message – do something to improve yourself but not to be perfect. Get off your butt and improve yourself – enrol in self-improvement courses, read a book, learn by talking to others whom you feel are always confident and self-assured. Ask a better question: Are you truly inadequate or just merely your perception?
  9. Overload, Overwhelm or Depressed – hopeless, depressed, the feeling you are taking on more than you can handle or deal with — the worst emotion more than all combined together. You need to reevaluate and make a list of what is necessary versus desire. Create priority to the list. Take the first one on the list & just do it! Deal with one thing at a time. Constantly clarify what’s important, what’s your purpose in life, what’s the outcome you’re seeking.

Always remember to change perception, communication, behaviour/ action and procedure/approach. Just practice or rather just do it! Kill the “emotion” monster while it’s little before it gets big. Hear the messages of the emotions and act – instead of surrendering, denying or avoiding. Have fun to enjoy converting pain to pleasure and choose tremendous pleasure!

Peak Success Abundance Training can help you and your colleagues to understand the psychology of emotions and leverage them to communicate better among yourself. Emotional intelligence training course is available to be booked. Various activities and hands on practices will be conducted to enhance better understanding of emotions among team mates. This would be a very fun and bonding among your team. 

 
Written by RACHEL KHOR 

Principal Trainer, Peak Success Abundance Sdn Bhd

From Directive Communication International & American Institute of Business Psychology:

– Certification in Colored Brain Communication
– Certification in Human Drive & Motivation
– Certification in Dynamic Speaking
– Certification in Curriculum Development
– PSMB Certified Trainer
– Certification in Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP)
– Certification in Hypnotherapy from London College of Clinical Hypnosis (LCCH)
– 18 years corporate training experience

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