The power of influence and sweet persuasion

gears in brain illustration

What is influence and sweet persuasion

It is inducing someone to take action that will produce positive results for both of you.

Sweet persuasion feels good. Successful salespeople now used sweet persuasion. It helps them to achieve their sales goals. It helps them enjoy what they are doing. Now successful managers can use sweet persuasion too.

What Do You Need To Become Successful ?

You’ve got to believe

  • 100 % in yourself
  • 100% in your organization and
  • 100% in the product of your efforts

When you go out the door in the morning

  • Sell yourself
  • Sell your organization
  • Sell your ideas

You’ll never achieve greatness unless you are and operate at 100%.

What Makes People Tick

Human nature is simple: Most people spend the greater part of each day thinking about themselves. Most people want to get more of what they want or need

All people want more of these – recognition, money, love, satisfaction, security, health, beauty, peace of mind, joy, success, happiness etc

If you possess the ability to determine exactly what people want or need and are able to provide it they will give you what you want. You will achieve your goals. You will become a great manager. You will achieve your goals when people perceive your vision and believe in your vision and it becomes their vision as well

All of us have an invisible antennae. Every one is listening to the same radio station.

What’s In It For Me ?

Everything you do, everything you say must be geared to answering this question.

“It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself“

– Emerson

Take an interest in the needs of others and they will take an interest in you. It’s a natural law: You receive as much as you give. Adopt an attitude of giving

  •  Give attention
  •  Give recognition
  •  Give your time
  •  You will feel good

Adopt an attitude of giving and your success will multiply. Altruism is selfish.


Enthusiasm is infectious. Nobody will get excited about what you are doing unless you do. Enthusiasm will ignite the fire. You have got to strike the match.

It is not always possible to feel confident. It is absolutely necessary and essential to always exhibit confidence. Something magical will happen when you exhibit confidence

6 Rules for Exhibiting Confidence
  • Smile
  • Wear the best clothing you can afford
  • Look everyone straight in the eye
  • Stand tall
  • Relax
  • Speak with strength in your voice

Don’t Blow it on the Small Stuff

Be prepared. Do your homework. Agreement is often won or lost before the first words have been spoken.

Be prepared to get people thinking about the big picture. Be prepared to get people thinking about winning. Be prepared to get people thinking about the unlimited possibilities.

Here Is The Small Stuff You Must Know

  • Your personal strengths
  • Your personal weaknesses
  • Your organization
  • Your objective for each encounter
  • You should also know the people you are persuading
  • Their personal strengths
  • Their personal weaknesses
  • Their long and short term goals
  • Their personal needs

Knowledge Is Power

Whoever knows more will maintain control. 

Selling Your Ideas

Selling your ideas is a process not an event

The Close begins when you Open

How To Sell Yourself Every Time

Visual communication is nonverbal – how you look when you communicate.

Visual communication includes facial expression, eye contact, clothing, grooming, gestures, posture and movement

Vocal communication is how you sound when you speak. Vocal communication includes volume, expression, clarity and speed

Verbal communication is words. If you improve your visual, vocal and verbal communication skills, people will believe in you.

• You will sell yourself

• You will sell your vision

Successful persuasion is a natural by-product of a positive relationship.

Focus on creating positive relationships. People are persuaded by people they trust

Use the 4 C’s

• Conversation

• Common ground

• Care

• Compliments

Conversation based on common ground will show that you care. Don’t forget a few sincere compliments. The Answer Is Contained Within The Question. Play Sherlock Holmes

The 3 Most Important Persuasion Skills

• Knowing how to ask smart questions

• Knowing how to listen

• Knowing how to present the right answers

Ask Questions To Uncover Needs

• What problems can you solve?

• What benefits can you provide?

The road to agreement is paved with lots of little questions to which the answer are yes. Get lots of little yeses.

Are You Listening ?

If you want people to listen you must first listen to them. Listening is not simply a courtesy. It is the most overlooked talent of all great managers

Managing Is 80% Listening and 20% Speaking

Chances are if you are speaking more than 20% of the time you’re probably failing in your ability to motivate people.

It is more important for you to become an interested person than an interesting person. The eloquence of your own silence will pay handsome dividends.

Prepare To Listen

• Keep Quiet

• Don’t Talk

• Shut Up

Listen Visually

What do his or her clothing, grooming, body language and eye contact say to you ?

Listen Vocally

Unspoken feelings will be revealed in the sound of his or her voice.

Listen Verbally

What do the words mean?

After listening match your visual, vocal and verbal style to the

person you are speaking with.

You will create instant rapport. You will create success in the simple art of persuasion.

People Like People Like Themselves

Create lots of positive relationships. You will create a powerful network.

Networking creates opportunities, provides you valuable information,

expanding your influence and unlock your personal power.

Networking works. Keep your net working.

Getting Along With People

Stop passing the buck. People who make friends easily don’t blame others. Unfortunately when we blame others the problem never gets solved so blamers remain frustrated and miserable.

Happy people take full responsibility. Nobody can make you miserable without your permission.

No matter what someone says or does you decide how you will react. If your boss gives you a scolding or your friends say you are fat, they have not made you unhappy. They have simply given you choices of how to respond.

You Decide How You Feel

Do not let people get you down. Misery can be contagious. People will tell you from time to time “Work is a pain in the neck”; “You should be upset”; “Life is a bum” etc.

Tell yourself “I Choose How I Feel“.

Assert yourself. If others give you no respect, monopolise your time or walk all over you ; ask yourself “ What am I doing to encourage people to treat me like this ? “

If You Want Them To Change You Have To Change First

If you let yourself be pushed around by those you love, you will end up resenting them for it. Draw the line between aggressive and assertive behaviour

When you assert yourself, be objective. Take responsibility for how you feel and be specific about what you want. You will win some and you will lose some. When you win, demonstrate that you can take control of situations and get what you want. When you lose, usually you will feel better for having expressed your feelings.

When You Want to Say “NO”

But be flexible … Having learned to say “no” , remember that there will be times when it pays to accommodate other people – to fit in with their plans. Some interruptions to our crowded schedules could actually be needed breaks. Be prepared for them. Think before saying “no, thank you”.

As always, our challenge is to strike a harmonious balance. Make your own decisions. Don’t set out to offend people but be true to yourself.

If You Choose To Explain Yourself, Do It Because You Want To Share Your Thoughts With Another Person & Not Because You Need Their Approval

Your own permission is sufficient – you don’t need other people’s.

We are happy in life to the extent that w e believe we have control over our circumstances and taking control of our lives often means saying NO.

We should also understand that when other people say “No” they have their reasons.

The Value Of Compliments

Show me some one who says he or she does not want to feel important , and I will show you a liar. We all need recognition and praise. Our appetite for praise is like our appetite for food – it is never satisfied for long.


People Want Respect. Do What You Say. Every time you say that you will do something, and end up doing something totally different, you are chipping away at your personal power. Certainly it is fine to change your mind sometimes. But for the most part we need to demonstrate to ourselves that we are in control of our lives by keeping to our words.

The more you stand by your commitments, the stronger you become.

To influence others you must believe in yourself. To believe in yourself you must believe what you say and do what you say.

Avoiding Arguments

Have you ever spent an evening arguing with somebody and felt you had wasted the whole evening? In fact, isn’t that the way we often feel at the end of an argument?

Arguing is not good or bad – it’s just arguing but it can take up a lot of time and the more you try and change someone’s mind, the less likely they are to change it !

Why People Argue

People tend to argue for 3 main reasons

1. They genuinely seek to change things ( These are the reformers)

2. They want to be noticed ( the Attention Seekers)

3. They are feeling irritated and argumentative ( The Fighters)

If you are dealing with someone who seeks to change things through arguments (reformer) it would be appropriate to hear them out .

Attention Seekers will argue purely for attention. They know that if they disagree violently with other people they will be noticed. Fighters usually want to argue because they are irritated about something which has nothing to do with you. You don’t have to get involved.

The trick is to recognize what is happening and decide not to play their game.

Telling People “You’re Wrong!”

“Be wiser than other people if you can; but do not tell them so”

– Lord Chesterfield

One of the surest ways to get attacked, berated, scorned and abused by people is to tell them “You’re WRONG”. They just hate it. Telling people they are wrong is a great way to make enemies. Admitting you are wrong can be a good way to start a friendship.

Humiliating People

People are generally happy to match your expectations of them. When you respect them and treat them well they will return that respect. If your objective is to get their co-operation, be generous with your respect. Most times they will lean your way to help out.


Points to remember about criticism

a) Criticism doesn’t work

b) People rarely blame themselves

c) If you blame other people, they blame you !

Criticism is the fastest way to create resentment and destroy a relationship. Our egos are so fragile that strong disapproval hits us like a sledge hammer. The moment we are criticized, we justify, we blame, we shout. Often we leave. We humans have a remarkable capacity to see ourselves as always the innocent party

If you want to preserve relationships and get results from people, you must be sensitive to their egos. Be honest and be encouraging. Where applicable :

1. Praise before criticizing

2. “Remind” rather than tell people

3. Admit to the fault yourself

4. Look to the future rather than blame for the past

Ask Questions First

Smart people play dumb and ask a lot of questions. You never learn anything when you talk. Get them talking and you listen.

Find out

1. What they know

2. What they think

3. What they will do before you open your mouth

Any time you are negotiating with someone and most people interactions are a form of negotiation, make it a policy to ASK QUESTIONS FIRST. You save embarrassment and you ensure that you speak from a position of power. When you question people you invite them to think along your lines – this is more tactful and successful than TELLING them how to THINK.

Learn from Your Mistakes

We should expect constant improvement in our relationships rather than gradual deterioration. A relationship is like a business – it’s either getting better or getting worse – there’s no standing still. If things are not improving, then we are living without learning

So How Do I Encourage People?

You can not make people do things they do not want to do but nearly everyone wants to feel successful and appreciated. Recognize people’s worth and potential. Praise them specifically and tell them what they can achieve and why you believe it. They will respond.

Form And Dressing Up

There is no disputing that good presentation and eating with your mouth shut will make your life more pleasant. But manners are not so much about knowing every last principle of table etiquette. When defining manners think less in terms of unbreakable rules and more in terms of CONSIDERATION, RESPECT and MAKING PEOPLE COMFORTABLE.

On the whole, aim for STYLE and GOOD FORM. Consider others’ feelings and you will be appreciated. Good form is choosing to understate rather than overstate. It is not competing. It is knowing you do not have to prove anything.

If you wish to make and keep friends, be courteous in planning what to wear.

Rule 1 : Don’t overdress. People resent it.

Rule 2 : Be neat. People expect and appreciate neatness

Rule 3 : Have a sense of occasion. People appreciate it. Look at the invitation and observe the dress code.


Though gossip may start based on fact, the facts soon evaporate. Where possible get the real story from the horse’s mouth before you act. If you believed everything you heard about everyone you met, you might trust very few people and have few friends. Obviously if the whole town swears that Honest Harry is a two-timing gangster, you may want to take heart but for the most part take people as you find them and don’t be swayed by rumour. Make up your own mind.

Making Others Happy

It is not your responsibility to make others happy. Your challenge in life is to be true to yourself ; to experience as much as you can to treat others as you like to be treated and above all to enjoy your life. Your job is not to FORCE people around you to be happy.

When others are unhappy have compassion but at the same time serve yourself by keeping your spirits high. You then demonstrate joy and laughter as an alternative. Many people use depression as an attention seeker. If you choose to join them you allow yourself to be manipulated. Refuse to play their game and often they’ll quit and you will both be better off.


Email: [email protected]/[email protected]
YouTube: Rachel Khor


Principal Trainer, Peak Success Abundance Sdn Bhd

From Directive Communication International & American Institute of Business Psychology:

– Certification in Colored Brain Communication
– Certification in Human Drive & Motivation
– Certification in Dynamic Speaking
– Certification in Curriculum Development
– PSMB Certified Trainer
– Certification in Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP)
– Certification in Hypnotherapy from London College of Clinical
Hypnosis (LCCH)
– 18 years corporate training experience

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